How to Cope with Toxic Family During the Holiday
Mental Wellness Blog is continuing with the Holiday themed content to help maintain your mental health while navigating this holiday season. Last week on the blog, Managing Financial Stress was shared. Christmas is quickly approaching which usually includes family gatherings, dinners, and gift exchanges. However, this wonderful time of the year, may not be so wonderful for you due to toxic family members that disrespect, belittle, or humiliate you. Avoiding toxic family altogether may not be a reality for you, or you may not want to reduce the overall joy of the holiday season to the toxicity of one or more family members or a toxic moment. If avoiding toxic family gatherings is not a reality for you this holiday, below are three tips to help you cope with toxic family or toxic family gatherings, this holiday.
How to Cope with Toxic Family During the Holiday
Mentally prepare. Mental preparation for toxic family is not much different than mental preparation for a difficult talk, college final, or interview. Mental preparation can look you acknowledging that you have toxic family members that make family gatherings toxic and less enjoyable. Mental preparation can look like discussing it beforehand with a trusted family member or supportive friend. Mental preparation can also look like you “hyping” yourself up with your “mirror friend” like Issa on Insecure.
Be aware of triggers. Be aware of your triggers as well as the triggers of others. Triggers are the "things” comments, actions, memories that result in an emotional shift. For example, you if/when that “creepy” uncle comes around that triggers a feeling of discomfort or disgust. Or maybe it is your toxic aunt that triggers shame in you as she glorifies her own children. Additionally, notice the triggers of others that turns the gathering toxic. These triggers maybe alcohol consumption, political or religious conversations, spade or dice games.
Prepare your exit plan. Following up on the above tip, once you notice the triggers that cause that shift your emotions or turn the family gathering toxic, prepare your exit. Or have your exit time and strategy ahead of time. Maybe you recognize that you and Aunt Shirley can not co-exist or Aunt Shirley and cousin Linda can not coexist and that is your cue to exit to maintain your own mental health and avoid the toxicity.
Last, but important, include self care to pour bak into yourself or recenter yourself. Remember that this toxic moment or toxic family encounter is temporary. Take the time to reflect on this time, how you felt, and what you would to be different going forward. Use that information to develop and enforce boundaries to protect your mental health during toxic family gatherings during future holiday gatherings. How do you deal with toxic family members or toxic family gatherings during the holiday season?
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Disclaimer: I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, but I am not YOUR Licensed Clinical Social Worker. These blog posts are based on my personal opinions, reflections, and insights and are not intended to be taken as professional therapeutic intervention(s) and/or advice. Further, please note these blogs are not intended to serve as and/or replace formal counseling services. If you are in need or interested in taking part in direct therapeutic services, please contact your insurance provider’s customer service for assistance. You may also consult website such as (but not limited to) Psychology Today and Therapy for Black Girls to find a therapist. If you are located in NC, MD, SC, or VA and would like to work with me, click here to ensure I accept your insurance or check my rates and here to schedule an appointment.