How to make friends in adulthood is a consistent theme in therapy sessions among millennial and generation Z clients as well as in conversations with my peers. As an adult you may be desiring new friendships and connections or evaluating current friendships which can feel intimidating and overwhelming and in some cases can trigger current mental health symptoms. Client’s and peers express desiring more reciprocal, meaningful and fulfilling friendships at this point in their lives and feeling like they have outgrown current friendships. If you feel that making friends in adulthood is challenging, consider these three tips.

1. Identify (specifically) what kind of friends or connections you desire.

   We visualize our dream homes, cars, jobs, and even spouses but what about friends? Consider the connections you want to have with friends, how you want friends to show up for, how you want to feel within the friendship, what you would like to have in common.

2. Evaluate your mindset about friendships.

   In my opinion, part of the challenge behind developing friendships and making connections is the mindset and the overthinking of what a friendship should be, which in most cases derives from the friendships we had in childhood. Do you think your new connections should lead to a best friend? Do you need a best friend or just someone to go to brunch with?

3. Consider “dating” friends.

   Expanding more on tip number two, consider having friends or friend groups with common interest in all aspects of you life instead of trying to develop a “best” friendship with one or two people who share most or all of interest. Doing so could be challenging or overwhelming. It is very possible that the friend that go to brunch with can become a “best friend” over time.

   Lastly, revisit to reconnect with friends or associates already present. Growth happens over time and someone whom you were not able to connect with at one point in life, may be a better connection at this point in life. I personally do not think that making connections as an adult is difficult. In fact, I think adulthood is difficult and trying to prioritize being a good friend and having a good friend adds pressure, however having people to do adulthood with is rewarding and worth the work.

~Health, wealth, and mental wellness