Sis, let’s be real for a second—when was the last time you put yourself first? Like, really prioritized your well-being, not just in theory, but in practice? If the answer is "I don’t even remember" or "I barely have time for that," you are not alone—but that’s exactly why this conversation matters. As Black women, we are natural nurturers. We show up for our kids, our families, our communities—but too often, we’re pouring from an empty cup. It’s time to change that. Self-love isn’t selfish. It’s survival. And the best part? You don’t need money to start—just a commitment to yourself.

What Is Self-Love, Really?

The legendary Audre Lorde once said,
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare."

Self-love is not just about feeling good—it’s about reclaiming your time, your worth, and your power. Dr. Thema Bryant, a psychologist and president of the American Psychological Association, reminds us that self-love is about breaking the cycles of burnout, overwork, and self-neglect that have been passed down for generations. So, where do we begin? Start by learning how you naturally receive love—then turn that inward.

Step 1: Tap Into Your Love Language

Ever read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? Well, here’s the twist—instead of waiting for someone else to love you the way you need, start giving that love to yourself. Here’s how:

• Words of Affirmation: Speak life over yourself. Replace “I’m not enough” with “I am more than enough.” Put sticky notes on your mirror. Record affirmations on your phone and listen every morning.

• Acts of Service: Do something kind for your future self. Prep your meals, set up your calendar, or declutter your space so that tomorrow-you can breathe easier.

• Receiving Gifts: Treat yourself—without guilt. Pick up a book by a Black woman author (hello, Tarana Burke and Brené Brown). Or grab a candle that makes your space feel sacred.

• Quality Time: Date yourself. Take a walk, sit in the sun, or have five minutes of stillness before the kids wake up. Your time is just as valuable as everyone else’s.

• Physical Touch: Love on yourself. Moisturize your skin like it’s a ritual, stretch your body, or literally hug yourself (yes, it works!).

The bottom line? Self-love isn’t about waiting for others to show up for you. It’s about showing up for yourself.

Step 2: Watch How You Speak to Yourself

Sis, your words matter. And if you wouldn’t let someone talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself, it’s time to shift that.

Catch yourself when you say things like:
🚫 "I always mess up." → ✅ "I am learning and growing every day."
🚫 "I don’t deserve rest." → ✅ "I am worthy of rest and care."
🚫 "I’m failing at everything." → ✅ "I am doing my best, and that is enough."

The way you speak to yourself sets the tone for how the world treats you. Let’s change the conversation.

Step 3: Forgive Yourself

One of the hardest (but most necessary) parts of self-love? Letting go of past mistakes.

Sis, you are not the same woman you were five years ago. Heck, you’re not even the same woman you were last month! Growth is a journey, and part of that means forgiving yourself for what you didn’t know then. Here’s a little exercise:

• Write down 3 things you’ve been holding against yourself.

• Read them aloud and say, "I forgive myself for this."

• Then, let it go. You don’t need to carry that weight anymore.

Step 4: Heal on Your Terms

Healing isn’t linear. It isn’t one-size-fits-all. And despite what social media says, it doesn’t have to look aesthetic (because let’s be real, healing can be messy). For some, healing means:

• Therapy (highly recommended—because we all deserve professional support).

• Journaling (writing your feelings down is free therapy).

• Prayer or meditation (connecting with something bigger than yourself).

• Movement (walking, stretching, or dancing in your kitchen counts).

There is no right way to heal—only your way. Find what works and commit to it.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve This, Sis.

Being a Black mom means carrying a lot. But you don’t have to lose yourself in the process.

Start today. Take one step. Speak one kind word. Give yourself five minutes.

Your self-love journey is yours to create—and you are more than worthy of it.

What’s one step you’re taking today? Drop a comment below or join the challenge! 💜

About Shirria McCullough – Licensed Therapist for Black Moms

Hi, I’m Shirria McCullough, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, mother of five, and a woman who knows firsthand the weight of responsibility that Black mothers carry every single day.

I specialize in helping:
✔️ Overwhelmed, overworked moms struggling with depression and anxiety
✔️ Millennials and Gen Zers dealing with social media comparison, unrealistic expectations, and financial instability
✔️ Women who feel lost in motherhood and want to reclaim their identity

I believe in creating a safe space where you can unpack your thoughts, heal from past wounds, and rediscover your worth—without judgment. You are not broken. You are not failing. You are enough.

If you are looking for a Black therapist in North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, or Maryland, I currently have openings for new clients. Let’s talk about how therapy can support your self-love journey.

Schedule a free consultation here: Schedule — Mental Wellness Clinical Counseling and Services, PLLC

Your healing matters, sis. And I’m here to walk with you every step of the way. 💜

Disclaimer: I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, but I am not YOUR Licensed Clinical Social Worker. These blog posts are based on my personal opinions, reflections, and insights and are not intended to be taken as professional therapeutic intervention(s) and/or advice. Further, please note these blogs are not intended to serve as and/or replace formal counseling services. If you are in need or interested in taking part in direct therapeutic services, please contact your insurance provider’s customer service for assistance. You may also consult website such as (but not limited to) Psychology Today and Therapy for Black Girls to find a therapist. If you are located in NC, MD, SC, or VA and would like to work with me, click here to ensure I accept your insurance or check my rates and here to schedule an appointment.