Stop Comparisons and the negativity that comes with it
I have a business bestie. She is actually is just my “bestie”, both beginning our careers in Social Work in 2009. We happened to both explore entrepreneurship in the mental health field around the same time. We inspire and influence each other in most areas of our lives but lots more in entrepreneurship, recently.
This past weekend, she text me to share her great news of reaching a financial goal that was important to her. I immediately was excited and proud of her for reaching her financial goal and we texted back and forth with excitement. I was also happy that she decided to share this milestone with me as well!
However, shortly afterwards, my excitement quickly turned in to internalizations of character criticisms of myself. I began to question:
Why haven’t I met my financial goal?
What am I not doing right?
Why am I not getting the same opportunities?
What do I need to do differently?
I did not allow myself to stay in a place of pity or sadness. I sat down and really thought about the above questions and revised my plan to reach my own financial goals. As a therapist, I understand that my processing through comparisons may not be as easy for you. If you find yourself struggling with comparing yourself to others and then internalizing the difference as character flaws, proceed to the four tips below to help you to STOP comparing yourself to others.
How to stop comparing yourself to others
Hold yourself accountable. What are you doing or not doing to keep you from reaching your goals? What is stopping you from having or being the person or thing that you are comparing yourself to? I revisited my goal, analyzed my progress and the steps or actions that have been successful for me to reach my goal. I also evaluated what has been preventing my progress and…um I can say that my spending habits do not reflect that I’m trying to save to reach a particular goal.🤦🏽♀️
Identify what you can learn from the other person or people. Take the time to identify what characteristics that other individual possess that contributes in their success. My friend in particular, advocates for herself very well. She is very confident in her value that she brings to any position and will advocate for compensation that reflects that. I, on the other hand, will attempt to negotiate a higher salary but in some cases, will settle for a slight increase even if it does not align with my value. That is only my fault. Which leads me to my next tip.
Turn you jealousy into inspiration or fuel for your own success. Instead of continuing to wallow in self pity for what you lack in comparison, incorporate those characteristics into your own life to promote your own success. I once read somewhere to find someone successful at you want to be successful at and do what they do. After speaking to my friend about her success, I discovered that not only do I need to be more confident in my own worth when asking for a wage that reflects my value, but I also could “hustle”, as she did, to accomplish or even exceed my goal.
Celebrate your wins and embrace your authenticity. Be positive and recognize what you do have, and what you have accomplished. Embrace the traits about yourself that are unique 🎶U.N.I.Q.U.E.🎶. Although I have not met my own financial goal, I can by the end of the year or before. I am actually 3/4 of the way there and probably needed this reality check from my friend to get back on track. After all, the real comparison should be you and the version of you, you were the day before!
In the current world of social media, there is instant access to other’s peoples lives. It is important to remember that most people only share the positives on social media, and rarely the behind the scenes. With such instant access at our fingertips, comparisons may be occurring more frequently that desired. Have you dealt with comparisons? What has been helpful for you in working through the negativity that results from comparing yourself to others?
For more mental health content and some behind the scenes footage of me, Shirria, and Mental Wellness Clinical Counseling and Services, mental health tips, and journal prompts follow MWCC on Instagram and Pinterest.
Disclaimer: I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, but I am not YOUR Licensed Clinical Social Worker. These blog posts are based on my personal opinions, reflections, and insights and are not intended to be taken as professional therapeutic intervention(s) and/or advice. Further, please note these blogs are not intended to serve as and/or replace formal counseling services. If you are in need or interested in taking part in direct therapeutic services, please contact your insurance provider’s customer service for assistance. You may also consult website such as (but not limited to) Psychology Today and Therapy for Black Girls to find a therapist. If you are located in NC, MD, SC, or VA and would like to work with me, click here to ensure I accept your insurance or check my rates and here to schedule an appointment.
