Choosing Happiness
"Happiness is a journey, not a destination."~Buddha
Prior to becoming a therapist and opening my own private practice, I worked as a Social Worker in Child Protective Services. Within the building that I use to work in were two elevators and at one point the elevators were getting “stuck” almost daily. One of my coworkers had gotten stuck on the elevator the day before for nearly 2 hours and shared her frustration with everyone who would listen the following day. The same following day, leaving the building, we took the opposite elevator to leave the building and guess what? That elevator broke down too!
My coworker immediately got upset, complaining, cursing, and yelling. I, well I stood there. There was nothing more I could do because she had immediately contacted support. We were instructed that someone had to come from the “main building” which would take about 30 minutes alone. So, I sat down, pulled out my laptop and started doing documentation. I decided to be happy that I was getting paid $27.72 to sit on an elevator, doing documentation, uninterrupted but accounted for. I also dabbled back and forth on social media and enjoyed the entire 2 hours and 33 minutes. Once out of the elevator, I went home still happy. Some of the easiest money ever made in my career! In that moment, I released control that I did not have, and chose happiness.
Clients come to sessions often, explaining that they are not happy. I immediately ask “do you know what happiness looks like for you?” The question is usually met with silence and after a brief pause, the answer “no.” Just like that, the journey to finding then choosing happy begins.
Define what happiness looks like in your life. This may be difficult to do if you feel like you do not even know who you are. If that is the case, I recommend you begin there. If you do know yourself, start to think about things that make you happy and bring joy to your life. Joyful moments can be small and simple such as watching hummingbirds feed or as big as an amazing view in another country. Then begin to incorporate those things into your life routinely.
Stop or decrease your negative self talk. Negativity is so rampant in everyday life already. There is no need to add to it by speaking and thinking negatively about yourself. If you find it difficult to speak to yourself positively, focus on being less negative and/ or removing absolute words like always and never.
Give yourself time. By this I mean, allow yourself to feel your feelings, particularly the negative ones. Identify the cause or trigger for them. Give yourself an allotted time, maybe 15 minutes to be whatever negative emotion, then move past it and choose to continue to be happy and have a great day!
Stop comparison. One of my favorite quotes is “comparison is the thief of all joy” by Theodore Roosevelt. I believe it to be true. In a time of social media and instant access to others, comparison is so easy to fall into. If you notice that you are comparing and it is leading you to feel bad about yourself, consider a social media break. If you find yourself comparing yourself to people in real life, ask for advice or mentorship. Shift the comparison to motivation and inspiration.
Things that are currently bringing me joy include:
Being present, in the moment. My screened Porch
My morning routine. Plants
Fall mornings. Tiktok
Lazy Saturday mornings. Exercise
In conclusion, being happiness does not exclude sadness. You must have one to truly understand and appreciate the other. Happiness is a choice that you have the luxury of in every day. I’d hate for you not to take advantage of it.
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